The Self-Righteous Brothers

Sorry

2009-01-21T18:48:00.001-05:00

Sorry I have been inactive on this blog. Eventually I'll get back around to it.

Oprah - The greatest salesperson of all time!

2008-12-12T13:43:00.003-05:00

Oprah recently did a show on the Amazon Kindle reading device. Oprah clamied the device was "life-changing for me". The Big O (sorry Oscar) raved and raved about the Kindle and then announced a $50 coupon code to take the price from $359 to $309 (note: the Kindle is now backordered for 11-13 weeks, coincidence?).

Anyways, my mother-in-law LOVES Oprah. She watches it all the time. She took great interest in the show about the Kindle. It would read to her! She could listen to MP3's! What a great device! So, she bought one. It arrived a week later and she showed it off to me and my wife.

So, Duke, what's the point of the story? Yeah, your mother-in-law watches Oprah and bought a Kindle based on her recommendation. You know, I wonder if Oprah told every woman to jump off a bridge, would they? I'm not sure but it could be a fun experiment. Would they all jump off the same bridge? Would you have to take a number to jump? Would Oprah go first? Oh, sorry, back to the story.

Yada yada yada my mother-in-law got a Kindle. Big deal you say? Well, my mother-in-law has MS. She cannot use her hands at all. In order to use a Kindle you have to use, you guessed it, your hands to change the pages, adjust volume, etc... So Oprah, the P.T. Barnum of the 21st Century, managed to talk my mother-in-law, who has MS, into buying something that she cannot use at all. Nice.

Oprah, if you read this (heck, does anyone read this), please send my mother-in-law $309. And while you're at it, send me a Kindle, they look cool!

THANK YOU!

2008-11-04T23:03:00.002-05:00

To: The Citizens of the United States of America

From: Duke Danbury

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so proud of you. And now I am actually proud to be an American!

I am here to help you make up your mind

2008-10-22T15:28:00.002-04:00

I heard that you are one of the many undecided voters for the upcoming Presidential Election. Even though I have already decided and voted (see blog post below) I am going to help you decide. Why am I doing this? I am a nice person. And I also have ABSOLUTELY no idea how anyone can be undecided. It's not like it's between two similar people, for instance George W. Bush and Satan. So below I have listed the issues to help you, the uninformed moron who is actually undecided.

Issue: Abortion.
Obama: Pro-Choice
McCain: Pro-Life
Result - See, they are what we call "opposites"on the issue.

Issue: Health Care
Obama: Mandate that all children have health care. Promotes affordable, accessible and high-quality health care for the rest of us.
McCain: Opposes universal health care, even for kids. Gives you a $5000 tax credit.
Result - How does that $5,000 look when you have a $50,000 bill from your insurance company?

Issue: Iraq War
Obama: Hates It!
McCain: Loves It!
Result: Obama wants your military kid home for the holidays. McCain wants your military kid to not be home ever again maybe.

Issue: Taxes
Obama: Help the lower and middle class, eliminate tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations.
McCain: The rich get richer.
Result: If you're reading this then you probably support Obama. Rich folk don't read this blog. They have someone do it for them. And that someone should vote for Obama.

Issue: National Security
Obama: Voted against the Patriot Act.
McCain: Voted for the Patriot Act a la Bushie Boy.
Result: There is probably someone standing outside my house waiting to whack me over my blog postings.

Issue: Choice for Vice-President:
Obama: Smart Raving and Ranting Lunatic
McCain: Idiot Raving and Ranting Lunatic with OH MY GOD fashionable glasses
Result: Tina Fey would like to retire.

So you see Undecided Voter (that includes Fred the Electrician, Paul the Veternarian, April the Porn Star, Max the Policeman and all the plumbers from Ohio) the two candidates are about as different as you can get on the issues. It's like dog vs cat, big vs small, outside vs inside, night vs day, black vs white.

Oh....now I get it. Shame on you.

Two votes for Palin!!!

2008-10-03T09:43:00.008-04:00

Gee, ummm, golly. My wife (Let's call her Hockey Mom With Lipstick) and I, Joe Six-Pack, are moving so we got absentee ballots. We voted this morning for the ever adorable Sarah Palin and her uber fashionable glasses.

Yeah, right.

Finger on WHAT button?

2008-09-11T19:01:00.010-04:00

Sarah Palin made her unscripted debut on ABC News this evening, sitting down with ABC News anchor Charlie Gibson for the first of at least three interviews, and she sounded much like a high-school kid trying to shovel his way to 500 words on an essay. Lots of filler and generalities in trying to sound Vice Presidential against the onslaught of a few tough questions from Gibson on Iraq and the Russia/Georgia conflict (she did stick to her laugh-out-loud assertion that because Alaska is next to Russia, that counts as foreign policy experience. As a poster commented on E. J. Dionne's Washington Post blog "Here's a question for Sarah. I live near the ocean, does that make me a marine biologist?")

But hiding in the weeds, so to speak, was a clue, and a telling one, about Sarah Palin. Here was Gibson's question about Iran and Israel and her response (no video of this exchange exists online yet, though it should soon, and italics and phonetic spelling are mine):

GIBSON: Let me turn to Iran. Do you consider a nuclear Iran to be an existential threat to Israel?
PALIN: I believe that under the leadership of Ahmadinejad, nuc-u-lar weapons in the hands of his government are extremely dangerous to everyone on this globe, yes.

Sound familiar? Sure it does. We have a sitting President who has been pronouncing it "nuc-u-lar" for over eight years now. There probably isn't anyone on his staff with the balls to correct him, but you know teacher Laura and the twins have chided W on that white-trash term for as long as he's been saying it that way. Yet, he has never corrected it in subsequent speeches or appearances. Couldn't be bothered. George W. Bush is no idiot, despite seemingly overwhelming evidence to the contrary, but he is stubborn.

You, gentle reader, have certainly made similar pronunciation mistakes in your life and once you realized your error, you have made a mental note to correct yourself, right? I know I have.

Don't you think that among Sarah Palin's handlers there isn't at least one of them who caught that nuc-u-lar boner and said to her "Sarah, that is a lightning rod for them to call you stupid. You have got to fix that!"

Maybe Sarah decided it wasn't that big a deal, or worse, that there was nothing wrong with saying it that way. Maybe she just thinks that it's "folksy."

But I am guessing that Sarah Palin, like the current Worst President Of All Time No Matter How Many Presidents We Have Down the Road, is just stubborn and arrogant.

Hopefully on January 20, 2009, she also won't be a heartbeat away from the Presidency.

I want to work for ESPN

2008-08-01T10:19:00.002-04:00

Dear ESPN,

I would very much like to work for your company. I think I could do a good job of writing for your sports department, your anchors or even be the ticker guy. Below you will find a sample of my work that I think you will find satisfactory. I tried to write something that you haven't covered recently, maybe you could include it in your next broadcast? Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Duke Danbury
Self-Righteous Brother #2

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There is no I in stimulus

2008-07-28T21:38:00.011-04:00

Woooo! We got our tax stimulus check recently. My wife and I were soooooo excited we didn’t know what to do! First we did a little jig around the kitchen. Since I’m 44, I got tired pretty quickly. So then we yelped and whooped and hollered like we had just stole an election. I mean we got a check from the government for no apparent reason, time to celebrate like it was 1999 (side note: gas price on 7/26/99 = $1.37/gallon, 7/26/08 = $4.30/gallon). But then I found out our dear “President” wanted us to spend this money on things to help stimulate the economy. Oh I get it! Stimulus check, stimulate the economy. Oh Mr. Bush, you are such a cad! My wife and I then sat down to decide what to get. I mean this was a tough decision, here was the United States government giving ME money for a change and I wanted to make sure, as a flag-pin wearing American (er, not) that I spent this money in the correct way to ensure our economy was stimulated.

After careful consideration and thoughts of a 95” flat screen television for the master bathroom or maybe some radical new skates for roller derby (actual purchase, www.howispentmystimulus.com) we decided the best way to spend the money was to…drumroll please….what, the drummer got laid off due to the crappy economy? Damn. Anyways, we decided the best way to honor (Worst)President(Ever) Bush was to….spend it on things he would not approve of!

So, Mr. Bush, here is what we did with our money: Half of it went into my IRA (Note to Bush: an IRA is a retirement account. Maybe when you're done screwing up this country you can go back to school and learn all the things you should have if you weren't in a cocaine induced haze for years. Anyway, I would never give money to Republican terrorists, such as yourself for instance) The other half we donated to charities that I know you would never approve of; I’m sure they all will send you thank you cards soon. Here is the list:

1. Obama for President – Yes, we gave our money to someone that will actually unite this country and make it a better place to live. (www.barackobama.com)
2. The Conservation Fund – We believe in saving our planet, not saving rich people from paying taxes. (www.conservationfund.org)
3. Room To Read (via Good Magazine) – The only story Bush has ever read is The Pet Goat. Although I have never read this story, it must be pretty darn good as he couldn’t put it down even though the USA was under attack. (www.roomtoread.org and www.goodmagazine.com)
4. Freedom From Religion – Pray all you want. Just keep it out of public places, like the ones MY taxes go to. (www.ffrf.org)
5. WXVU Radio (Cincinnati) – The local NPR station. NPR is good. Bush, not so much. (www.wvxu.org)
6. New Stage Collective – This is a wonderful little theatre here in Cincinnati. Meanwhile, our fearless leader keeps trying to cut funds to the National Endowment for the Arts. (www.newstagecollective.com)
7. Save the Animals Foundation – A local animal shelter here in Cincinnati. For some reason I just have a hunch that Bush kicks his dog. (www.staf.org)

It wasn’t easy picking these places, there are so many deserving charities out there. But I thank you for all the hard work you do. And now you can thank President Bush for helping you, which is something I bet you never expected to do.

Why don't thin white males use the drive thru window?

2008-04-15T17:24:00.004-04:00

I go to Starbucks a couple times a week on the way to one of my clients. This specific one is in a very suburban area and has a drive thru window. Over time I have noticed the following:

Most of the people who go through the drive thru are:
a) Women
b) on their cellphone (even while ordering, how sad is that?)
c) overweight
d) driving either a SUV or Minivan

Most of the ones (including me) that walk in are men who drive regular or sportier cars or students (both gals and guys). Sure, once in awhile I will see a kid in a VW Bug using the drive thru but it's very rare. And the men that use the drive thru are ALWAYS on the cell phone and driving a gas guzzler (I, for one, will be happy when gas goes to $5/gallon, more room on the road for me).

Sure you're not getting much exercise walking the fifty or so steps to the door but when you're already fat ordering a triple cream venti latte while sitting on your ass doesn't help either.

And for those of you who already hate me for going to the corporate Starbucks instead of the locally owned place (which I normally do with regard to restaurants) let me remind you it's only a friggin' cup of coffee. And I like their coffee and chai's. Sue me.

Hillary's New Strategy

2008-04-04T11:01:00.002-04:00

Philadelphia (AP) Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), stymied again and again in her efforts to overcome her 150-plus delegate deficit in her contentious primary fight against Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL), said today that the race should be decided on the "quintessential American principal of 'age before beauty'."

"We all all familiar with, you know, 'age before beauty,'" Senator Clinton told a somewhat puzzled group of supporters at a suburban Philadelphia high school. "I hold the door for you at a restaurant or the theater, and I say 'age before beauty' and you get to go first, you know? Well, why should this election be any different? It's a good system and it has worked for over two hundred years. My great-great-great-great grandmother wrote in her diary about a young George Washington holding the door for her, you know, and using that phrase, so it goes way back!" When asked to produce that diary, Sen. Clinton demurred, saying that it was a "private matter" between "me and my great-great-great-great-great grandmother."

Clinton went on to say, "Look, I'm no beauty but hey, I'm alright, as the Boss once sang. And Barack, well, he may be inexperienced and not a Muslim, as far as I know, and he may be siding with Reverend Wright, you know, but he is a good-looking man, I have to say! So I have the age, you know, 'cause I'm 61 this year and he isn't even 50, and he's got, you know, the looks, the beauty. So it is an open and shut case, I think."

Clinton added "This election is too important to be left to the vagaries of the delegate count, or the popular vote count, or to the voters. The polls, you know, will back me up."

Today's NBC/Wall Street Journal poll seemed to bear Senator Clinton out; a poll of 1267 likely voters, when asked the question "who deserves to be the Democratic nominee, age or beauty?" chose "age" by a comfortable 61%-36% margin. 70% of voters were able to identify Senator Clinton as the older candidate, and that number shot up to 81% when the respondents were provided the ages of both of she and Obama.

Senator Obama, stumping in Indiana, said in response that "the current Democratic party delegate selection system is working fine and that there seemed no reason to overturn it,"
adding that he agreed that he was "more attractive" than Mrs. Clinton and that he "has it goin' on" but stopped short of characterizing himself as "beautiful."

A Clinton campaign insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted that even if this new strategy works, that the Senator will need to recalibrate in the fall against the then 72-year old presumptive Republican nominee, John McCain. The Clinton operative admitted that the plan then will be to use the "ladies first" strategy. "We think John McCain is a polite man, very old-school, and that he will acquiesce."

McCain was asked about Clinton's fall strategy during a Florida campain stop and replied "Thanks for the question, you little jerk!"

McCain's traveling partner, Sen. Joe Lieberman (D-CT) quickly jumped in; "What the Senator meant to say was "We think it's up to the voters to decide."

Musings from #2

2008-03-07T11:24:00.001-05:00

Things on my mind today:

I heard an interview on NPR this morning with someone who was introduced as a "Daylight Savings Time Specialist". Man, I want that job...you only work TWO days a year!

Oprah's latest book is "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose". Hmm....Oprah's Purpose? To make more money maybe? 60 Gazillion dollars isn't enough Oprah?

Ron Paul is quitting his run for the Presidency. He said that although victory in the conventional political sense is not available in the presidential race. Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock

I heard a rumor that Brett Favre has retired. I'm not exactly sure if it's true or not since ESPN hasn't mentioned it at all.

In Cincinnati, we are having a major snowstorm. Since the media told me to run to the store yesterday and buy milk, I did. I bought all the milk at every store in town. So, if you live in Cincinnati and need milk, too bad. I'll sell it to you for $50/gallon.

I have now not watched the last 8,723,002 episodes of Amerian Idol. Cal Ripken has nothing on me.

OK, something fun...go rent/buy the movie Once. Then go buy the soundtrack. Great film, great music.

Charles Bark(ing Up the Right Wing Tree) ly

2008-02-19T20:06:00.003-05:00

Oh, Sir Charles. You do have a way with words. Mr. Barkley was on CNN's "The Situation Room With The Annoying As Hell Wolf Blitzer" (OK, so maybe that's not the exact title) where he said these words:

“..I don't like the way the Republicans are taking this country. Every time I hear the word conservative it makes me sick to my stomach because they’re really just fake Christians, as I call them. That’s all they are.”

The Wolfman then asked him if he wanted to, er, rephrase it.

Barkley: “Well, I think they want to be judge and jury. Like, I’m for gay marriage. It’s none of my business if gay people want to get married. I’m pro-choice. And I think these Christians, first of all, they’re not supposed to judge other people. But they’re the most hypocritical judge of people we have in the country. And it bugs the hell out of me. They act like they’re Christians. They’re not forgiving at all.”

When asked by Mr. Worst Interviewer Ever about the feedback he might receive from these comments, Barkley mused: "They can't do anything to me. I don't work for them.”

You mean someone bashed the religious right and won't back down???

ABOUT FRICKIN' TIME!

So to you Mr. Charles Barkley, the first ever Duke Danbury HUZZAH! In fact you have just been nominated AND elected to the Duke Danbury HUZZAH HALL OF HONOR.

And if you're reading this AND you're a member of the religious right then I suggest that before you send a nasty email to me, the press, blogger.com or whomever maybe you should actually practice what you preach (pun intended).

America needs Change..or a new maybe just a new Survivor cast.

2008-02-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

It's only February and I'm sick, sick, SICK of all this election talk. I mean, will it never end. Who the hell cares about the fact that the United State of America will most likely have either the first African-American or Woman President!!! Big deal I say. We need more old, white men in office.

I'd rather read stories about things that matter! Like what celebrity is in rehab or maybe something about some trust fund chick named after a French city. That is what matters in America. Not health care, the environment or some useless war.

CNN keeps showing these debates where, from what I gather, the people running for President of the United States of America discuss issues relevant to the citizens of this country. I watched one last week. Boy what a disappointment. Blah blah blah, health care, blah blah blah, Iraq, blah blah blah, economy. I watched for two hours and THERE WAS NO MENTION OF BRITNEY SPEARS. Seriously, what gives? I'm a self-interested idiot and don't care about anyone else. Health care, pffft, screw you if you're sick. I have no idea why I wasted my time watching the debate when I could have been watching something that really matters in this world, a reality show.

No wonder this country is screwed up. Reality shows and celebrity gossip mean more than anything else. Meanwhile history will be made this November. But this is the same country that (sort of, well not really) "elected" President Fuckwad not once, but twice. What a Nation of Idiots.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

2008-01-22T14:07:00.000-05:00

01-20-09

The longest, most jam-packed, most momentous day EVER!!!!

2007-12-26T19:57:00.000-05:00

“At the end of the day, [Milligan ] is going to have to deal with a popular Democratic governor, whose agenda Arkansans identify with, and people are going to want to be part of Gov. Beebe’s team,” said (Arkansas Democratic Chairman Bill) Gwatney.--Arkansas Post-Gazette.

"At the end of the day, we will have a decision by the court saying what the president is doing is, in fact, constitutional," (Former Attorney General) Alberto Gonzales said in his second appearance before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee here since the secret surveillance came to light.

"At the end of the day, it's all about science" --Bill Munger, Knoxville News Sentinel.

"But at the end of the day, the important question is who won - was it the "good guys" -- the small farms, the foods grown sustainably, or was it the "bad guys" -- the large corporately raised meats, the foods full of preservatives." --fogcity.blogs.

"At the end of the day iPhone is no phone." --iTWire.com

"..At the end of the day, we've got to eliminate that pool of people who are susceptible to becoming killers."--U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, on NPR.

"At the end of the day, only truly dedicated Spider-man fans are going to play this one through to the end."--Syd Bolton, armchairempire.com.

"Even if, at the end of the day, Israeli jets are going to carry out, or execute, this attack, it might be perceived - and rightly - as an understanding between the United States and Israel," Institute For National Stategic Studies at Tel Aviv University Brigadier General Giora Eiland said.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin on Monday predicted that displaced African-American residents will return to the rebuilt city and it "will be chocolate at the end of the day." -New Orleans Times-Picayune

"At the end of the day, spam bots do NOT have any fucking money--An exulting Ron Paul supporter, quoted on Salon.com

Whew. Just a few of the ninety-million results I got from Google. And at the end of a day like that, I better get some rest.

Happy New Year to all!

I hate year-end lists

2007-12-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

My top 10 things I wish for in 2008:

All our men and women in Iraq back home in the USA where they belong.
Media that reports actual news instead of trying to scare the public (OH MY GOODNESS IT'S SNOWING..EVERYONE..RUN..RUN TO THE STORE AND GET MILK NOW!).
Americans place more importance on things that really matter (health care, environment) and less importance on things that don't (immigration, unnecessary wars, celebrity gossip).
And end to reality shows on television.
~~Roger Clemens is shown as the lying scumbag I thought he was~~ (Sweet! One off the list already).
No mention of religion during the Presidential campaigns.
Major League Baseball Co-Commissioners: Bob Costas & Keith Olbermann.
Health Care for ALL American citizens.
"President" George W. Bush...IMPEACHED.
President Dennis Kucinich (Hey, I can dream can't I?).

America: We're keen on keening

2007-12-06T17:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, nobody uses "keen" anymore except Beaver Cleaver on TV Land, and "keening" means wailing or crying loudly and that's not really what I mean. But it seems to me that we have become a society that really, really enjoys getting all revved up over some senseless tragedy. We don't want anyone to die, but we love going to the funeral.

A madman shot up a mall in Nebraska yesterday. He killed eight people with an automatic weapon before turning the gun on himself (too bad, as Dennis Miller once said, that he didn't do himself in first instead and earn himself an express ticket to Heaven).

That's all I know. I peripherally glanced at the story online and heard a snippet about it on NPR without paying too much attention. You know why? Because I won't give the gunman what he wanted, even posthumously. What the gunman wanted was fame, through infamy. He was trying to extend his Warholian fifteen minutes, maybe get himself on the cover of "Time" or at least the New York Times. I'm not gonna help.

I started feeling this way 27 years ago, almost to the day. On December 8th, 1980, some nobody shot and killed John Lennon outside his apartment building to impress Jody Foster...or was that the other guy? Anyway, I wrote an impassioned letter-to-the-editor practically begging them, and their readers, not to make a celebrity out of the killer. I said I didn't want to know what school he went to, whether he had a troubled childhood, or whether he was a "quiet loner." I wanted him to fade away into obscurity.

He didn't, though; I'm pretty sure they made a movie about him.

Here's my point; when somebody wipes out a school, or a shopping mall, it's only news that matters to you if you or your loved ones or friends are personally involved and if that's the case, God help you. If not, though, don't play into the hands of the killer or the news media. It's okay to be a little curious; don't get me wrong. Get the facts. But once you do, and you know that it's just another sad reminder of the violent society we live in, change the channel. Turn the page. Don't sell any more ads for CNN or Fox News. Don't give another "quiet loner" sitting in his parents basement an idea of a way to go out with a bang. Say a prayer for the victims (if that's your thing) and move on.

Lyrics to ponder while you're going into debt shopping at the mall

2007-11-30T09:25:00.000-05:00

I really don't have anything exciting to rant about today so here are some great music lyrics that I heard recently (and remembered how cool they were):

"Now there's only two things in life but I forget what they are" - John Hiatt, "Buffalo River Home"

"All the other girls here are stars-you are the Northern Lights." - Josh Ritter, "Kathleen" (in my opinion, one of the best opening lines to a song ever)

"White Americans, what?
Nothing better to do?
Why don't you kick yourself out?
You're an immigrant, too."

- The White Stripes, "Icky Thump"

Hmm...maybe I do have something to rant about after all. Coming soon..my take on immigration (cue "oohs and aahhs" from audience).

But I don't have time for that now. Because the media is telling me that I MUST GO TO THE MALL NOW AND SPEND LOTS OF MONEY ON PRESENTS! Must go to mall, must spend money, must keep buying presents.

Typical American newspaper today:

Page 1 - Mall, presents
Page 2 - Mall, presents
Page 3 - Mall, presents
Page 24 - Environment not doing so well
Page 24b - Advertisement for 2 mpg Hummer
Page 25 - Many more people die in unnecessary war
Page 25b - Advertisement - Mall, presents

Anonymous comments allowed

2007-11-20T13:36:00.000-05:00

Due to popular demand (popular=1 person), we have decided to let anyone post a comment, not just those who are registered. Fire away.

Roundin' Third and Headed for Home

2007-11-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

Joe Nuxhall, announcer and former player for the Cincinnati Reds, died last night. I won't go into too much detail about his career here but if you know anything about Joe, Cincinnati or the Reds then you know what I mean when i say the word "icon" is an understatement (a local band, Jake Speed and the Freddies even recorded a song about him). Nuxhall was the youngest player in major league baseball history, pitching for the Reds in 1944 at the age of 14. Besides a couple of years he played with another team, Nuxhall was part of the Reds organization as a player or announcer for 63 years!

If you want to read more about Joe Nuxhall, Cincinnati.Com has a special section dedicated to him here:

http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?Category=nuxhall

Anyways, I was emailing with my friend John today about Joe and we both had the same story:

I grew up in Syracuse, NY and was a big Reds fan during the glory years of The Big Red Machine. Being a teenager, I was really into baseball. At night I would listen to WLW, the station that carried the Reds broadcasts (yes, I got a Cincinnati station in Syracuse) on clear nights. And on many ocassions when it was time for lights out I would keep the radio on softly or under the pillow or sheets so I continue to listen to the Reds game without Mom and Dad knowing about it. I'm sure there a million other kids from that era that did the same thing.

Let me ask you this. Do you know any kid that still does that? I doubt it.

We'll miss ya Joe....everyone hoist a can of beer to him tonight.

By The Numbers

2007-11-15T18:08:00.000-05:00

	Aaron	Bonds
Homers	755	762
RBI's	2297	1996
Hits	3771	2935
Batting Avg.	.305	.298
Indictments	0	5

A few minutes with Andy Rooney

2007-11-12T21:08:00.000-05:00

(Steve Kroft, with ticking clock behind him: "And now, a few minutes with Andy Rooney...."

(Andy is sitting in front of various kinds of fresh and packaged corn)...

"The White House is beating the war drums again, this time to prepare us for a possible bombing of Iran, nuclear-armed Pakistan is in a state of martial law, the price of oil is near $100 a gallon, and the civil war in Iraq seems to have no end in sight. So, tonight, I thought I'd talk about corn.

"I love corn. It's my favorite vegetable. I like it on the cob, I like it niblets style, and I especially like it creamed.

"Corn even looks good on the plate. That nice yellow color brightens the whole meal, I think. Indian corn is also called "maize" which I guess is a good idea since the term "Indian corn" is probably not politically correct anymore. I bet it doesn't bother Native Americans, though.

"Sometimes you can find corn mixed with other things, like in corn chowder. I like corn chowder. Sometimes, though, corn gets mixed with lima beans and then it is called 'succotash." I don't like succotash. I don't even like lima beans by themselves so why would I want to ruin a perfectly good dish of creamed corn with them?

"The best way to eat corn in on the cob. I like mine boiled, but some people grill them, which I guess is okay. It's hard to find good sweet corn except during the summer, though. You can buy frozen corn-on-the-cob, of course, but it's just not the same.

"I sure hope the President doesn't bomb Iran.

(Steve Kroft: "We'll be back next week, with another edition of 60 Minutes...")

You say you want an evolution?

2007-11-11T10:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry for using song lyrics for a blog post again, but I couldn't resist. I just took the Candidate Match Game on USAToday.com:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/candidate-match-game.htm

You answer eleven questions and it matches you with the current candidates based on your answers on the different topics. My top 3:

1. Mike Gravel (D)
2. Mike Huckabee (R)
3. Dennis Kucinich (D)

If you know me, you know I would fall into the "liberal" category. I think the last time I voted for a Republican was in 1976 when I was 12 years old and I had a mock election in 7th grade. I picked Ford over Carter for whatever reason. Since then I would rather vote for dog poop over a Republican.

I'm not surprised that Gravel or Kucinich (the latter is whom I currently support) are on my list. But I was quite surprised to see Huckabee on there. So I checked the matrix they show afterwards where you can see how the candidate would have voted. Here is what Huckabeee and I agreee on:

Global Warming
Tax Reform
Health Care (seems he is on the left here, most of the Democrats agreed with us)
Immigration

That's it. We agree on 4 of 10 issues and he's #2 on my list. Gravel and Kucinich and I agree on 6 of 10. For those of you that for some reason think all liberals like Hillary, I was 2/10 with her (and 3/10 with Obama).

HOWEVER, they forgot one question which would have ruled out Huckabee before I even took this quiz? It should have been a pre-question:

"Do you believe in evolution?"

Huckabee is one of three (only two remain now) candidates who said no during a Republican debate. Simply put I feel that anyone who does not believe in evolution to be...err...not smart. How was this guy elected governor of Arkansas? How was this guy even on a ballot? How is this guy running for President of the United States? Is this country that stupid? Don't answer that. And most importantly, how did he end up second on my candidate match list? USA Today has decided that a liberal, atheist is a close match to a religious, non-evolution believing Republican because we both think the health care situation in this country is out of control. "President" Huckabee (man that gives me the chills) would set back education almost 100 years but on the good side my prescriptions to the numerous anti-depressants I would need if he were in charge would be free.

(with apologies to John and Paul):
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you deny that evolution
Don't you know you can count me out

Saint Alex

2007-11-11T10:25:00.000-05:00

How much money is enough? I'm guessing that anything over, say, $10 million is just for show.

So imagine if Alex Rodriguez and Scott Boras did this--

A-Rod signs with with (gasp!) a team and a city where he really wants to play, and live, for $10 million a year. He then lets "slip" (you know, like politicians do) that he wanted to sign for less to stop the rampaging salaries and set a good example for other top-flight players to do the same. He could also say that he wants to free up extra capital for his team to spend on the supporting cast necessary for the ultimate goal of winning a World Series. He doesn't hold a press-conference to announce this, of course, keeping it a "secret." But the word gets out. And then?...

Alex Rodriguez goes from zero to hero in a millisecond. The canonization of A-Rod begins in earnest, as columnists and talking heads everywhere fall all over themselves praising his selflessness and vision. The ripple effect is multifold--lower top salaries (what player can command more $ than Alex Rodriguez?), lower overall average salaries and increased levels of competitiveness as more teams can suddenly afford the top-flight free agents.

Alex Rodgriguez could singlehandedly change the business of baseball immeasurably for the better.

And he'd still be making ten million dollars a year.

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips

2007-11-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

Hi there. Welcome to our blog. Why another blog? Because. We're just two guys who are always right and wanted to let the world know. If you've got any opinions on the stuff we write please post a comment, like it matters what you think. Enjoy.

The REALLY self-righteous one

2007-11-05T13:22:00.001-05:00

Hello, all. This is Daveyhead, the slightly (grossly?) more self-righteous half of this blog's team. I will be posting on a semi-regular basis my outrageous thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Just not this week. My computer is in the shop until Friday so you will be deprived (spared?) my musings until then. You'll be hearing from me soon, though, so stay tuned....