I am here to help you make up your mind

I heard that you are one of the many undecided voters for the upcoming Presidential Election. Even though I have already decided and voted (see blog post below) I am going to help you decide. Why am I doing this? I am a nice person. And I also have ABSOLUTELY no idea how anyone can be undecided. It's not like it's between two similar people, for instance George W. Bush and Satan. So below I have listed the issues to help you, the uninformed moron who is actually undecided.

Issue: Abortion.
Obama: Pro-Choice
McCain: Pro-Life
Result - See, they are what we call "opposites"on the issue.

Issue: Health Care
Obama: Mandate that all children have health care. Promotes affordable, accessible and high-quality health care for the rest of us.
McCain: Opposes universal health care, even for kids. Gives you a $5000 tax credit.
Result - How does that $5,000 look when you have a $50,000 bill from your insurance company?

Issue: Iraq War
Obama: Hates It!
McCain: Loves It!
Result: Obama wants your military kid home for the holidays. McCain wants your military kid to not be home ever again maybe.

Issue: Taxes
Obama: Help the lower and middle class, eliminate tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations.
McCain: The rich get richer.
Result: If you're reading this then you probably support Obama. Rich folk don't read this blog. They have someone do it for them. And that someone should vote for Obama.

Issue: National Security
Obama: Voted against the Patriot Act.
McCain: Voted for the Patriot Act a la Bushie Boy.
Result: There is probably someone standing outside my house waiting to whack me over my blog postings.

Issue: Choice for Vice-President:
Obama: Smart Raving and Ranting Lunatic
McCain: Idiot Raving and Ranting Lunatic with OH MY GOD fashionable glasses
Result: Tina Fey would like to retire.

So you see Undecided Voter (that includes Fred the Electrician, Paul the Veternarian, April the Porn Star, Max the Policeman and all the plumbers from Ohio) the two candidates are about as different as you can get on the issues. It's like dog vs cat, big vs small, outside vs inside, night vs day, black vs white.

Oh....now I get it. Shame on you.