Woooo! We got our tax stimulus check recently. My wife and I were soooooo excited we didn’t know what to do! First we did a little jig around the kitchen. Since I’m 44, I got tired pretty quickly. So then we yelped and whooped and hollered like we had just stole an election. I mean we got a check from the government for no apparent reason, time to celebrate like it was 1999 (side note: gas price on 7/26/99 = $1.37/gallon, 7/26/08 = $4.30/gallon). But then I found out our dear “President” wanted us to spend this money on things to help stimulate the economy. Oh I get it! Stimulus check, stimulate the economy. Oh Mr. Bush, you are such a cad! My wife and I then sat down to decide what to get. I mean this was a tough decision, here was the United States government giving ME money for a change and I wanted to make sure, as a flag-pin wearing American (er, not) that I spent this money in the correct way to ensure our economy was stimulated.
After careful consideration and thoughts of a 95” flat screen television for the master bathroom or maybe some radical new skates for roller derby (actual purchase, www.howispentmystimulus.com) we decided the best way to spend the money was to…drumroll please….what, the drummer got laid off due to the crappy economy? Damn. Anyways, we decided the best way to honor (Worst)President(Ever) Bush was to….spend it on things he would not approve of!
So, Mr. Bush, here is what we did with our money: Half of it went into my IRA (Note to Bush: an IRA is a retirement account. Maybe when you're done screwing up this country you can go back to school and learn all the things you should have if you weren't in a cocaine induced haze for years. Anyway, I would never give money to Republican terrorists, such as yourself for instance) The other half we donated to charities that I know you would never approve of; I’m sure they all will send you thank you cards soon. Here is the list:
1. Obama for President – Yes, we gave our money to someone that will actually unite this country and make it a better place to live. (www.barackobama.com)
2. The Conservation Fund – We believe in saving our planet, not saving rich people from paying taxes. (www.conservationfund.org)
3. Room To Read (via Good Magazine) – The only story Bush has ever read is The Pet Goat. Although I have never read this story, it must be pretty darn good as he couldn’t put it down even though the USA was under attack. (www.roomtoread.org and www.goodmagazine.com)
4. Freedom From Religion – Pray all you want. Just keep it out of public places, like the ones MY taxes go to. (www.ffrf.org)
5. WXVU Radio (Cincinnati) – The local NPR station. NPR is good. Bush, not so much. (www.wvxu.org)
6. New Stage Collective – This is a wonderful little theatre here in Cincinnati. Meanwhile, our fearless leader keeps trying to cut funds to the National Endowment for the Arts. (www.newstagecollective.com)
7. Save the Animals Foundation – A local animal shelter here in Cincinnati. For some reason I just have a hunch that Bush kicks his dog. (www.staf.org)
It wasn’t easy picking these places, there are so many deserving charities out there. But I thank you for all the hard work you do. And now you can thank President Bush for helping you, which is something I bet you never expected to do.
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1 comments:
Oh, you gave it to W! (along with some worthwhile charities.) I had a coworker tell me the other day that history will look upon Bush as a good, if not great, president, a claim so laughable that I had no response. We can only hope that the country dopey enough to elect Bush twice (well, once and once with an *) is not still stupid enough to pull the lever on the somnambulent McCain.
Great post!
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